Darkness and Dawn

Opening my eyes, I gazed at the dawn-streaked, still-dark sky, bare
trees standing in tall silhouette, with neighbors’  lights twinkling
through the woods. I headed straight for my studio, but kept the lights
off and stood at a window, studying each tree’s shape, lingering on the
many small branches and twigs revealing its unique “fingerprint” in the
sky.

I cherish these minutes before sunrise, when the woods and trees and
birds all seem to be holding their breath in anticipation of what is to
come. Quiet moments when the day’s work has yet to begin, and the
night’s softness blankets the world outside my door. Lights still off, I
took up my brushes in the quiet studio and started transferring
darkness and light to paper– a reminder of magical moments filled with
hope. The beginning of a new day.

Recent Thoughts and Works

I’ve been quiet for a while for a variety of reasons. Mostly, I miss Bituminous, and although he isn’t on my mind all the time anymore, every time I have come to my blog to post something, I would see my post about him and have to go do something else. It’s amazing how such a small creature can have such a large presence, and that presence is still very much missed.

I’ve also been quite occupied with dogs to train, and that has been good, but does make it hard for me to find the chunks of time I need in order to get into a writing frame of mind. This past week, though, I took a complete break from facebook, and that has made a huge difference. Even though I wasn’t spending a great deal of time on facebook, the time I was reading there was having a somewhat scattering effect on my thoughts. Staying away from it freed my mind up in ways I hadn’t expected. I found myself much calmer and more settled inside, and I was able to work much more efficiently and enjoyably, whether at writing, housework, or correspondence. Although I will be visiting facebook, I am planning to carefully monitor and limit my time there.

I have been painting as I have had time and opportunity, especially outside when weather has permitted (which hasn’t been all that often, between summer heat that extended into fall, then nonstop rain, then a heavy October snowstorm!). Unlike facebook, painting has a calming effect on me, and I almost always feel better for having taken time to paint, no matter how my paintings turn out.

Here is a sampling of my paintings and sketches from the past three months:

Riga Falls– Plein Air Sketch
Stump — Sepia Graphite
Harvest Moon

Rocky Mountain National Park- Charcoal Study

A Blessing Named Bituminous

A lapful of love, a warm chin in my elbow, a soft paw tapping my chest, green eyes gazing into mine. This was Bituminous for many wonderful years.
This morning his time ran out, and I let him go peacefully before he lost his peace in this life. He snuggled his cheek into my hand right up to the end, enjoying my gentle love that wanted to keep him forever, but even more wanted for him to never know the suffering that would have come soon due to his failing body.
My Bituminous—a mighty hunter in his younger years; a friend small in stature but great in trust; a beloved member of our family for over eighteen years. Somehow, because he had beaten the odds so many times over the years, I thought he would keep on going forever.
I learned much from my little friend. Early on he showed me what trust looks like. I remember stepping outside before bed and calling him to come inside. The night was black and so was he, and all was silent. Then a small piece of the night would step into the circle of light spilling from the windows, and Bituminous would come running joyfully to me from the darkness. A small creature, less than one tenth my size, hurrying toward me without hesitation, with perfect trust. From him I learned to have a greater trust in God, who is so much greater than I.
In recent years Bituminous has helped me learn to slow down and savor quiet moments. Over the past few years I have spent many happy hours with my warm cat on my lap, with him sleeping or watching me, and me reading or watching his calm breathing. Life slowed down as I stepped out of the rat race, into peaceful reflection and silent connection that enriched my days and helped me grow into the person I am today.
Thank you, Bituminous, for the gifts you brought me. You were a gift in every way.

Duck Pond Gallery

On Saturday my first solo exhibition opened at Duck Pond Gallery in Port Ewen, NY. The opening reception was a great evening with friends and family from near and far in attendance–such an affirming and encouraging time! Many more people were there than I expected, including some we hadn’t seen in years, so it was a time of one joyful surprise after another as people walked in the door. I also especially enjoyed seeing various circles of my life meeting in one place– family, dog community friends, art friends, church friends, and home schooling friends. In addition, I met several artists whom I am looking forward to getting to know.

I have fifty-one paintings on exhibit, including birds, other wildlife, dog portraits, landscapes, and a few florals and winter trees. It was certainly exciting for me to see my work framed and hanging in one place, and I am even more motivated to keep on painting and expanding my skills and my horizons as an artist.

I owe a very big thank you to all the people who have encouraged and supported me along the way and helped me get to this point. Without their input, I would not yet be exhibiting my artwork.

Playing with Summer Color

I’ve been busy preparing for my first solo art show (more on that in an upcoming post), but yesterday I had to take a break to enjoy the vibrant colors of summer. Purple Coneflowers (Echinacea) and Black-eyed Susans (Rudbeckia)are blooming profusely in my garden so, as the sun was strong and the temperature was in the nineties, I cut a few and brought them into the relative cool of my studio to paint.

I just played with water and color on my paper, not worrying about detail or precision, merely attempting to capture the lively, bright feel of the blossoms. I didn’t want the beauty of summer to pass without me taking at least a few hours to saturate myself with it and relax with a brush in my hand as I captured some moments of fleeting color.

Another 10 minute writing:

A Color

Brown—a rich, nourishing color. The color of soil when it’s full of organic matter, ready to supply life to all manner of plants and trees.

When I put on my brown shirt I can slip silently out of sight. No one can find me unless I wish to be seen. But I am not merely unseen by people; I could use grey for that. In brown I fit into another world—the world of trees and earth and wild animals. Of rocks in the creek, bright with sunlight dancing through the water, making rich and alive the varied browns of the creek bed.

I am present in time and place, not pushed and pulled in the often confusing world of people. My brown shirt is like a mantle of calm that allows me to step out from under so much that jars and rattles.

I smile inwardly when wearing brown; I am in a world that makes sense and I can be me.

And now I shall put on my brown shirt and step out of sight…

Brief Writings

A friend and I have been doing some quick writing exercises, then discussing them. We each pick a topic (perhaps just a word to use as a jumping off place) and each write on both topics. Each topic has had either a ten minute or twenty minute limit, so there’s no time for careful planning or for editing. Afterward, we discuss what we’ve written. It’s been fun, great for jump-starting writing ideas that could often be expanded, and often leads to some surprising thoughts, images, and insights in both the writing and the ensuing discussion. Here are a few of the pieces I’ve written.

Face to Face with an Animal (10 minute writing)

He alights on my shirt front and looks up at me, bright, black eyes fixed on my amazed, brown eyes. Time stands still as we connect across seven inches, across species, even across class- bird and mammal. He a tiny Black-capped Chickadee, I an adult human being.

An intricate creation, perfectly formed, independently functioning, or at least as independently as any of us can imagine ourselves to be. I wonder if he realizes that every breath is a gift. No, he wouldn’t realize it, but he does live it– living each moment fully in the present, trying, learning, repeating, and finally trusting.

And I am overwhelmed by this gift of trust, given so gently, so much at risk if I were to prove false. Trust—a precious thing to give and to receive. I receive it from the tiny bird; I give it to his Creator and mine, he who made both the bird and me, and on whose hand I alight and rest.

A Joyous Childhood Moment
(10 minutes)
I bounded through the front door and turned a somersault , then rolled on the large Oriental rug in the entryway. Energy overflowing, I did another somersault, then leaped up and looked out the French doors, beyond the brick terrace, past the dogwoods clothing the hill in pink and white splendor, and to the soft, blue hills in the distance. I look down at my legs and smile. The soft blue denim with white stitching was magical, giving me strength and skill and possibility.

My first pair of blue jeans opened a new world to me, and I knew inside that I could do anything and go far. They made me feel free in a way I hadn’t felt before. Someday I would walk into those hills, those blue hills that beckoned to me every day.

Rest (10 minute writing)

Oh, thank you! I hold out my hands, palms up, to receive the gift, and embrace it with a sigh of gratitude.

Rest— my body, but even more my soul is renewed in times of quiet. Quiet, but it might not be still time—perhaps hiking in the woods, invigorated by the lack of social pressure and by stretching my legs and pushing my body. That may not be rest for some, but for me it is as though fresh life is being pumped through my veins.

With each step I take, my vision of who I am comes into clearer focus—ageless, clean, made of joy. Sight unobscured, I see; ears clear, I hear. I breathe deeply and am filled with boundless energy, with overflowing peace, with bubbling joy, with deep gratitude.

Sensory Input at this Moment (10 minutes)

Hard metal presses against my seat, my feet, my back, slightly softened by the towels with which I’ve covered the deck chairs. The hum of air conditioners fades in and out of my awareness but is always there, as is the sound of distant traffic.

A Red-bellied Woodpecker churrs from my left across the stream. On all sides I hear the tapping, tweeting, chirping, rattling, and singing of birds—so delightful! Dog toenails click on the deck , then soft fur brushes the underside of my knees.

Colors are muted by humidity and by the heavy cloud cover; that softens the greens and makes them all alike. A hummingbird hovers briefly by the dogwood, then vanishes.

The freshness of mint, the jungle-scent of thyme waft by, the blue tartness of my morning berries lingers in my mouth. This is morning on my deck… thus my day begins.

Growth (10 minutes)

They stretch and push, then pop out of the ground and surge upward, reaching toward the light, spreading leaves outward and skyward to catch the sun.

I was watching some awe-inspiring time-lapse photography of seeds germinating and growing into strong, young seedlings. Growth—amazing to see and inspiring to watch.

But growth isn’t always so clearly visible. In fact, sometimes it isn’t even discernible until seen in retrospect. Nor is it always lovely and awe-inspiring to watch. More often than not it’s a messy, halting, sometimes painful process.

Beauty out of ashes, and those ashes seem to be all one sees for quite a while. Even once the beauty can be seen, the smudge of ashes remains for quite some time, perhaps to remind of us whence we came. Is that so that we don’t take the beauty for granted but remain aware of the process? Or perhaps so that the next time we or someone else is struggling to emerge from the ash heap, we can hold out hope that they or we can grow toward upward and someday stand tall in the light.

Musings and Doodlings from the Great Smoky Mountains

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

My mind mused often on Psalm 121 as I gazed at the ever-changing, always majestic, mountain view from the deck of our rental house on the side of a mountain in Tennessee last week. We had a wonderful week that included time with all three of our children and time to hike, as well as to rest, read, paint, and ponder. Rather than retelling the story of our time there, I’m posting photos of my trip journal pages, so you can join with me in my enjoyment of the mountains. These are not polished paintings and carefully selected words, but rather my on-the-spot musings and doodlings from the deck or by the side of waterfalls and other places in the park. (Click on images to enlarge them)

Some Recent Paintings

It’s been a while since I’ve posted much art work. I slipped into a bit of a painting slump after Steve’s father died in January, and I’m only just getting back into the groove. It’s not that I didn’t paint all winter– I did, but most of what I painted just didn’t turn out. It’s interesting to see how much one’s emotional state impacts artistic expression. I’ve always known it does, but it’s hard when one is stuck in the midst of it. I was feeling somewhat aimless and generally sad, and my paintings seemed to be without focus or feeling of life. I have also found it hard to write, I suspect for similar reasons. Doing a couple of pen & ink drawings was helpful in getting me jump started painting again; getting lost in the small details pulled me into a different place and restored my confidence and enthusiasm.

Here are the pen & ink drawings I did.

And a couple of paintings I did of Milo. He always makes me laugh with his antics, and his wagging tail cheers me no matter how down I might feel, so painting him often lifts my spirits.

These Chickadee are two of my beloved little friends who eat from my hand

And this is Jade, the Mallard Drake who visits our stream with Agate, his pretty mate, every spring. I did this from a photo Jonathan took many years ago, so our springtime visitor this year may be a son or grandson of Jade, but the Mallards visit without fail for a few days every spring, then go elsewhere to nest.

I seem to be back into a painting mode and am eager to pick up my brushes and play with color again. This afternoon I will be painting with a friend in her garden full of beautiful flowers, so perhaps I’ll be posting flower paintings soon.

My May 3rd Bird

Yesterday, May 3rd, a Rose-breasted Grosbeak spent the day enjoying my feeders and perching in the lilacs. I spent much of the day looking at him through binoculars, taking photos of him, and just enjoying his presence. Although they are common in the area, I have only seen one other Rose-breasted Grosbeak at my feeders, also for just one full day, and also, as I realized this morning when I looked at old photos, on May 3rd, in 2007.

Why May 3rd? I can’t help wondering if there’s something that attracts a bird to a given location on a certain date. Perhaps the lilacs were just barely starting to open on May 3rd in 2007, as they were yesterday? Or perhaps something about the day length drew the bird to my garden on that particular date? Or perhaps it was just coincidence.

Whether coincidence or indiscernible detail (indiscernible to me, that is; obviously not to the bird), this is one more reminder to me that there is so much more to creation than what we already know or can readily observe. I’m reminded of when I took a biochemistry course in college. I had dreaded it, expecting it to be full of boring details. Instead, I found that I was learning the most fascinating details of life, and I felt as if I was seeing the fingerprints of God– traces of his magnificent work that was happening all the time right in my own body, without my conscious awareness.

As a friend of mine puts it, our sight and understanding is like a pinhole view into the universe, surely limited in more ways than we realize. I love it when something enlarges that pinhole slightly, opening my sight and my mind to more of what there is, even if I don’t understand what I’m seeing. I am thankful for my May 3rd Bird, who has lifted my spirits with his beauty, raised questions I doubt I’ll find answers for, and reminded me that my sight is limited, that there is mystery beyond my current knowledge and understanding.